none*see

i know we’ve talk about it and it wont be fair to u, that we ’sort of’ pass this case, but im still feel uncomfortable with it. tho hours of hours talk we had for that case and did my part following ur suggestions; to say things out loud…

Somehow…. theres soo much i cant tell u how its been (still) stuck in my heart even.. but in my mind (logic) i know we pass the case so its not fair to still feel hurt.. hhh maybe sometimes, even I said it out loud or talkd about it.

it jst ; not always work to heal. Not always able to keep me optimist or to make me move on.. so, better i’ll keep it. I’ll handle this myself. i did try to talk about how i feel about it to u, stil when it comes up, the memories of the pain still there. so i guess talking about it wont work ..

im sorry. i know we jst hv to keep it cool.

sorry, i wasnt able to keep it cool. and im so sorry i still cant forget about it. i wish i can. its not from ur side; mine.

i mean. i been having it at the back of my head since it happen and i always wish nothing will trigger it out of my mind… but,i think it jst did. Um, im trying to control myself now. um, i cant hold not to tell u.. um… i can even feel its melting me now .. um, slowly dripping into me (the pain) and i can feel im about to blow out

this is not good for our connection in the future. because i actually have not move on; have not get rid of it.

um, i think i need to be off from u, so i wont hurt u more or hurt myself more because the memories will hurt me again and again, i need to ignored all bad influence off me. i really care for my health now, i dont really want to keep having this kind of feeling.. its the same feeling

i can always swallowed things i feel , if u ask me too.. u know i can. i can also still love one, even i torture myself, u know i had that too

u and one encourage me to be honest ya? and i lost one for 5 years, and i dont want to loose u in the same way either… i dont want to loose u like i was lost while i was with one too yaa…

i was jst trying to do my part. Telling u, i still feel soo uncomfortable about it and i still feel hurt about it. BUT, if u say, “hold it nance, lets talk about it later”, yes, i can HOLD it as long as u want, but i was jst telling u, i thought u want me to freely told u how i feel.

And im telling u again now. ITS ME who is not confidence about myself towards u, im not confidence i can trust u for the future and that wont be good for us..

u jst flashing by the stories, but i suddenly observing myself, i realised i havent get over it and i told u my opinion, I will make u suffer more if i keep doing this.

i waste time for one i knew from begining, it wouldnt work, with one. I lost time that i thought i couldve survive yet i didnt with one. I dont know if i should do it with u again, especially when i know now, if im depress i might hurt myself physically

no, its not im being pessimistic. I jst need to survive now, yes im choosing the easy way, not because im lazy and want to avoid problems, i jst dont want to get depress and loose myself and missing my kids while i end up in some hospital

i have soo many things in my mind that i must work on. Relationship is the easy way to distract it and ruin it, knowing that u are not mine , easier for me to accept the fact i shouldnt feel hurt when u didnt even meant to trigger it.

if i dont have problems with my health that so many times it wouldnt cost me days in hospital, YES i would chalange it. But i think escaping is the best way i should do ,, the more i allow myself to compromised with things happen with us, the more i feel im drawn and the more im afraid of my self.

im distracted almost all the time since it happen, but i keep swallowing it, and somehow i know u wont be able to control the trigger too. i dont expect u too tho. i know u, i love u, i dont want u to feel im such pain in the ass all the time.

its painfull and i try to explain, but feelings not logiC to u. and i cant win ur logic argumen and ur logic coaching on me.

im hurt

but i know i love u too and i know well u love me too

but i cant lie im hurt

i dont want to lie no more

but i can if u want me too

that sad me more. A SORRY again

patches… patches, patches

i think i sud say nothing to u. Its gonna be more difficult for me too, we can still be friends and laugh about our silly relationship. I can still cuddle u.. even hmmm…with u , u know. U had that sort connections with others, so can u to me u the one who told me, u had that kind of connection and u are okay with it.

i dont get man!

they call their woman slut and when she turns to be one; they cant accept it

they flirts around and….when their woman jst want to be the flirts victim; they cant take it

stupid!

i can be like one too, if u want , i WANT IT TOO!

dropp u some ganja; got stones and had sometimes with u, drag u to forget any other woman jst the sake of adventures. i can even put long lines of volunteers for that

10 of them; 12 flags; 30 nights;100 shifts!; all together!

tired ay? well mee tooo! im tired with u toooo!

im tired worry about u!

i cant be with u!!!!!!!!!!

my pain is not logic to u, nothing is logic to u

i cant trust u!

And to make ur life easy, its not about U cant be trust.

IM JST psycho!